An Imperfect reflection made perfect

This is actually something I wrote back in Aug of 2006...amazing how God works...never knew the true reason God put this on my heart to write this then but I understand now....

When I think back to where my life was, and where it is now I am truly amazed at God's mercy and forgiveness, at where he has brought me from and what he has brought me to. So here I am at 30, about to turn 31 and am now just beginning to understand a part of where my journey is leading me. Along this journey, though still a very tough one, I have been shown the value of loving and accepting myself as I have been created, with all my imperfections and with all my faults. I have learned to count every victory and even every defeat as all joy by continuously praising him no matter what the circumstance I encounter. (James 1:2-4) I have learned that there is a purpose for everything about me. A purpose that not even I understand, a purpose that only one person in my life can understand and see, because he is the one who has set my path, the one who has ordered my steps, the one who has breathed the breath of life into me, creating me with imperfections for a reason that I cannot even begin to fathom. For even with my human flaws and imperfections I am perfect in his eyes. So God, my Father, my creator, this is dedicated to you….

In my journey over these past few months, I have struggled to understand why my life was at a standstill, why I had felt a loneliness I had never felt before, why those I thought I could trust with the sacred innermost feelings of my heart were nowhere to be found when I was at the lowest point in my life, (Psalm 118:8) and why I must go through this journey. I have often asked myself, "What is the purpose, where is God leading me??? My struggles to understand have become tiresome, very difficult at times, and discouraging, but through this struggle to keep walking I have found a peace only given to me by God, a peace that came with the understanding that I am a perfect creation in his eyes, that after every storm comes a rainbow of Gods promise of a new life to me. That as a human I will continue to make mistakes but that it's just a matter of picking myself up and moving ahead by continuously seeking God first. I know that I have made some costly mistakes, some that have distanced me from God, some that have hurt those who truly did care, and some that have caused me to question this journey and my purpose. Mistakes I know I could never take back, only move forward from, but you see that's just it, therein lies the beauty of being a child of God, I am allowed by his mercy to move forward along this path with his hand of protection on me and the continuous mercies of his grace. Guided by a deep love and desire to seek Gods face and guidance in everything, to make what was wrong, right in a imperfect world, I have made my appropriate apologies to those people I have hurt and I have distanced myself from those things and people that continue to hurt me and in the same token, have forgiven them as well. For it is Jesus who has taught me to love and forgive those who have hurt you, to turn the other cheek when you have been slapped in the face, just as he forgave me by dying for me on the cross. I have made mistakes due to my imperfections but the Lord continues to love me, forgive me, and still be there to guide me through this difficult journey.

As I sit and write this, tears streaming down my face, I am thankful for God's grace and mercy and even for the hurt caused by the trials and tribulations I have experienced. I praise God everyday for allowing me to walk through this hurt in my life. For it is through this hurt that God has shown me in this time I have spent alone with him, that I am purposed to serve him...to take the love I have learned in loving myself, my friends, and yes, even those who have deeply hurt me and keep walking in the light of God's love as he continues to show me that with all my imperfections and flaws, I am his perfect creation and that he has created me for a greater purpose . For now as I walk through this journey with humility and obedience, I truly believe that as I continue to seek God daily he will bless me as he orders my steps into a new beginning in him...