Reflections from years past

(Dedicated to the many women who have endured the pain and suffering of abuse )

So I was looking through some of my poetry work and came across these poems that were written back when the life I led for years was full of despair, sadness, tears and hurt from the physical and verbal abuse I suffered...it simply amazes me to be reminded of where I came from. God has definitely had his hand on me throughout my life in areas where I should have given up...but God had different plans for me.  The God I serve and love is a God of unrelenting love...the God I serve is a God who loves me unconditionally despite my many  many scars...

So I will be honest in telling you that I am feeling so drained mentally, emotionally, and physically right now. I am now emotionally fighting a battle of giving into God's will and allowing him to heal the broken areas of my life and restore the true joy taken from me by what I endured. Yes I have been abused both physically and verbally I am not shamed of what I went through because it made me a stronger person today.  I am not a victim any longer but a VICTOR knowing God has given me the strength to move forward.  In my personal recovery work that I have been pursuing over the last 4 years I have come to understand the long term effects of being physically and verbally abused on a consistent basis and have made healthier choices in friends and in relationships.  I thank God everyday for giving me the tools I needed to live a life of joy not pain and one of hope not despair. And though I was recently reminded  through these poems where I have come from and a sadness came over me I did find a blessing and that is this that I AM MOVING FORWARD a stronger woman now because of the pain I endured so long ago. Reading these poems was a great reminder that God has blessed me with so much over the years since I learned to trust him more with every aspect of my life.  He has sent people in my life to be there to encourage me and  with all the busyness lately it has been easy to forget where I have been brought from ...all I had to do was stop, be reminded of many blessings he has given me and remember he is ALWAYS by my side..I am thankful everyday that God delivered me from the pain of a broken life...

My hope if you are reading this is you know my heart for you is too see you healed God's way for the joy in your life to be restored, HIS JOY....to know that you are loved and cherished by A God  who loves unconditionally despite your scars..You are loved and cherished by him as daughters of the MOST HIGH KING! I hope you remember that and know that I will always be praying for you....


God is good.....ALL the time!

Blessings!


Drowning…

The anger raged within him. . .
His heart full of hatred for life
hatred for love. . ..
hatred for me. . ..
His anger like a tortuous sea
forgiving nothing
devastating everything. . .
devastating me. . .. . .
His lashes of anger like
the waves beating endlessly against
an already destroyed vessel
destroying my heart. . ...
I can no longer calm the waves
I can no longer stop the storm
I can only live with it
and hope I survive. . .. . .

 

Letting Go

I don't know how to let go...
Better yet, I don't want to let go
But you have given me no choice...
I used to be someone who knew of herself...
Someone who would never loose herself
I used to be someone who had direction in her life
Someone who knew when she had to fight
I used to be someone who knew how to love
Someone who learned when it was time to give up...
That someone is now gone who I once knew to be
Because understand this, you are drowning me...
I lost myself in you
Trying to make sure you knew "I loved you"
I lost my way, my sense of direction
Trying to make sure your life was perfection
I lost my strength in knowing when to fight
Because I am so exhausted trying to give you sight
Don't you see?
I have no choice but to let you go
Because if I don't you will drown me